1. When buying alcohol or entering places 21+, you catch yourself force-feeding the cashier or bouncer your ID. What? You don’t need to see my ID? No, here, take it. Look at it. Don’t just skim it politely then hand it back. Squint as if you’re suspicious of the IDs legitimacy and ask me my date of birth to confirm. C’mon – more enthusiasm, I want to feel it. SQUINT LIKE YOU MEAN IT. Squint like Renee Zellweger. You’re a skeptical Renee Zellweger. I want you to say it. Say, I’m a skeptical Renee Zellweger. Yeah, you’re gah-damn right you are.
2. Listening to the oldies station and hearing songs that were being played on TRL. For example, I heard Genie In A Bottle the other day and was freaked out because I’m pretty sure that video debuted on MTV what feels like a month or two ago.
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